An Ideal Ceremony---A Key West Wedding.

[published for the first time on June 9, 2006 in "The Flatland Oracles"]

I am about as anti-wedding as it is possible to be.  My usual advice to brides planning weddings is: don’t.

Don’t these dewy-eyed young brides realize that most of the spectacles on which they or their parents are spending thousands (or hundreds of thousands of dollars) are going to result in (at best) a wedding DVD and an album of photographs no one else on the planet is ever going to be really interested in looking at? (Even your children, if you have them together, are just going to look at the book for a laugh).

Haven’t they heard of ‘starter marriages’? Wouldn’t they rather have a house or an investment portfolio or even a really interesting honeymoon?

And is there any event on earth more likely to cause otherwise charming and likable young people to forget everything they ought to know about getting through life with dignity and the respect of one’s peers and elders? Judging by one of my new favorite websites, Etiquette Hell, the answer is no.

That said, I did recently attend a very beautiful wedding in Key West over the past weekend. The bride, a young friend of mine, is a former student. Because she and the groom paid their own way (a precedent I’d like to recommend), they planned it carefully and kept their guest list pared down so that only close friends and family would attend. They spent their money where it would give their guests maximum enjoyment: on a lavish rehearsal dinner in an elegant setting; a lovely (but simple) spectacle, and a reception where the guests were given a delicious sit-down dinner and a fun party afterwards.

The bride did invest a well-spent sum on a most beautiful wedding gown (the spectacle part). The wedding took place on a dock or terrace over the gulf. It was late afternoon, so there was a pleasant breeze. When the bride appeared, the sun (in an amazing bit of stage-management) burst out from behind the clouds. It was an extremely satisfying occasion.

More to the point, the young couple (who met on the internet) have been a couple for over five years, so their starry-eyed promises to one another didn’t evoke the usual cynicism I can’t help feeling when I see young people exchanging vows of eternal love and fidelity.

There was something particularly moving in the fact that the bride and groom themselves planned and paid for the delightful occasion that this wedding turned out to be. In other words, it wasn’t the usual scenario where a spoiled twenty-something indulges her red carpet fantasies at the expense of others. The flowers weren’t the color the bride had asked for, but not a soul noticed, and in the end, they toned perfectly with the deepening indigo tints of the Gulf just before sunset.