Some of this is based on personal experience, but most is based on years of observing other people, and working with other people at the counseling center.
Continue reading "Thursday 13. Meme. 13 Foolproof Ways to Ruin a Relationship. " »
It's probably not for the reasons you think.
Since I'm not trying to write a "Number 1 Bestseller!" for the grocery store check-out line, or trying to be published in Cosmopolitan, Mademoiselle, nor yet even Oprah's Magazine, I can afford to be honest, whereas the writers of advice columns and so forth really can't. And unlike those advisers and comforters, I haven't got any foolproof advice to give you on how to make yourself more physically appealing to whichever sex you wish to attract, on your sexual techniques, or on increasing your confidence in yourself.
Continue reading "Toxic Traits: Why Nobody Loves You, or at Least Not for Long. " »
There is no new advice for lovers under the sun, and it's unlikely that there ever will be, but people keep making the same mistakes with the same results, and then looking for advice on how to make things work out out differently. At my previous site, I got a lot of hits at postings about relationship advice books and relationships.
I doubt that relationships have deviated much from certain prescribed patterns in the whole course of human history. When two people fall in love, there's always a 50% chance that one of the two is eventually going to sit up, look around, and think "What? What am I doing? Who is this person?" and then get up and wander off, leaving the other to wallow alone in a big muddy bog of love, wailing and rending her (or his) garments.
Continue reading "Some recommendations for those suffering from break-ups or heart-breaks. " »
[published on July 18, 2006 in my previous blog, "The Flatland Oracles"]
Why You're Still Single by Evan Marc Katz and Linda Holmes
1. In the interest of full disclosure: my personal bias.
Before writing a word about this book, I wanted to be sure I could be really objective about it. I'm a Linda Holmes fan of several years standing, was aware from reading her other work that she was writing this book when she started to write it, and have been waiting since then to see what she'd have to say.
So I started out with a bias in favor of this book, by which I mean that I wanted to like it. If I hadn't, I'd have said nothing. But the fact is, I did like it very much.
[published on July 4, 2006 in "The Flatland Oracles," my previous weblog]
I've said what I think about He's Just Not That Into You. I enjoyed reading it and found it amusing, but Lord knows I don't think it should be taken as a guide for women who have it halfway together and want to "find someone." If I had followed that advice, I doubt I'd ever have married. Instead, I did every single thing that the book warns against and....yeah, I had no trouble getting married, ladies. Even in middle-age.
The immense success of the book has naturally spawned other relationship guides by people who wish to question the book's main premises or to cash in on the book's success.
[published on June 21, 2006 at "The Flatland Oracles," my previous blog]
1. Present-giving without pitfalls.
My husband and I coexist peacefully partly because we have made a practice of avoiding the rituals that produce so much grief between other couples we have known.
Specifically, I’m talking about the ritual exchange of gifts that seem to cause grief to so many other couples. We don’t do that. Though we don’t come from similar backgrounds (and in fact were brought up in different countries), we do come from families that don’t treat present-giving as some sort of anxiously-anticipated indicator of the state of the relationship or the other person's view of its significance. By mutual agreement, we seldom or never give each other presents on occasions such as birthdays or anniversaries.
If you think that sounds sort of joyless, read on.
It’s not that we don’t mark the days at all. The birthday boy or girl usually chooses a restaurant and we have a meal.
[published on August 3, 2005 in "The Flatland Oracles" weblog]
I’m at a stage in life where I am sometimes the recipient of younger women’s confidences concerning their love lives. In addition, I’ve been secretly monitoring the weblogs of certain excellent young writers who---among other things---like to share, sometimes in more depth and detail than I really want, their venting/rantings on the subject of love generally and dating specifically.
