The Catland Chronicles

The Collected Poetry of Flat Cat! (Warning! It is the Poetry of REVENGE! The Lady Says Some of them are Rude and Mean!)

The lady is always letting stupid Lydia show her stupid paintings in an Exhibition so I asked the lady if I could have an Exhibition too and she said, but you don't paint or draw.  But then I said I wanted to have a post where all my poetry is together and at first she said no because she says all my poetry is mean!  But then the man said it seemed unfair and the lady got mad and said he was letting himself get played by Flat Cat again!    Then she said I could have my poetry, as long as I made it clear that it was very mean poetry for which I ought to have been spanked!  But I am too cute to spank, so I never get spanked!

The Lady is Finally Letting Me Blog Again! And I Wrote a Mean Limerick About Her, but Now I am Taking it Back!

It has been MONTHS but finally the lady said I could blog again!  When she got back from her trip she wouldn't let us blog because we were punishing her, and then she wouldn't let us blog because she was too Busy with her political blog!  She is always saying I am Selfish but she is Selfish too!

Then when she was going to let me blog after all Sam got sick and she was frightened.  He got all skinny and mangy looking and was throwing up his food and the doctor told the lady and the man that Sam needed surgery so they could find out what was wrong with him!  But the man said that Sam was too old and it would be cruel to put him through it and that they should try everything else first!  So then another doctor told them to give him digestive pills and see if it would work and it did! 

I am glad that Sam got sick because his pills have to be wrapped up in special Treats and now when Sam gets his pills, Lydia and I get treats too!

The Lady is Back and I am Punishing Her! by Flat Cat.

She came back two days ago and acted like nothing had happened!  At first I ran and hid from her because I wasn't sure she was the same person because she smelled different but Lydia said don't be stupid of course it is her!  When she went upstairs to put her stuff away I smelled her shoes which smelled like Other Cats!  I have never smelled other cats except Lydia and Sam, but Sam said it was the smell of Other Cats and was very upset about it, but he got in the lady's lap anyway because he is a traitor!

I am Still Mad at the Lady and Will Punish Her if She Goes Out of Town! xx Flat Cat

All week the lady who lives with us has been busy doing Other things, so I have not been able to blog!  The lady had a Project she was doing, and she still blogged anyway even though she had a Project, but she would not type for us, which is unfair!  I said I have many internet fans and they will be sad, but the lady said it is a very big internet and they'll find something else to read, don't worry!  And even Sam said that this was unfair and Not Nice because he said it was Not Like Her, which is what he says instead of unfair and Not Nice! 

Cats on Tuesday. I am MAD AT THE LADY.

The lady said this weekend I could blog on Monday but on Monday she got a new Project and I could not blog on Monday!  Then she got a new project today, Tuesday!  She says she won't have time to let us visit other Cats like we usually do and that we may have to have a "hiatus" for a couple of weeks which means NO BLOGGING.  It is not fair, I only just got a Blog and now she is saying MAYBE NO BLOGGING FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS. 

Seven Random Things About Me, Flat Cat!

HA HA HA HA HA I got tagged by THE RAT at "A Trinity of Cats" and Sam and Lydia didn't!  This PROVES everyone likes me better!   I get to list 7 random things about me because I am awesome and then I get to tag other cats who are also awesome!  I do not know any other cats that are as awesome as I am but the lady says I can go online Monday and look for some!  I am being punished because I bit Lydia for calling me "Orca"again so no more blogging  or emailing this weekend, but then the lady who lives here said it might be Rude not to respond when tagged!  HA HA HA HA HA HA she said I couldn't blog till Monday and I, like, get to blog ANYWAY!  After she finishes her Project Monday I can tag other Cats!

Sam is NOT a SAINT! PROOF by Flat Cat!

I like Sam most of the time because he used to wash me when I was a kitten and he will still wash me now if I go and sit next to him and wait.  I don't like washing myself, it gives me hairballs! 

Besides, I am very fluffy and big-boned and it takes a long time and it is hard for me to wash my tummy because I am very muscular.  Sam LIKES to groom me, it makes him feel important and everybody pets him and praises him and makes a big fuss about him which is what he likes.  It is one reason they think he is a saint. 

Cats on Tuesday. Flat Cat Presents: More of Stupid Lydia's So-Called Portfolio

So I am in trouble because Lydia called me Blobby Tail so I chased her and we had a fight.  And I, like, won because I am much more muscular and am not a little squally girlie cat!

The lady said my punishment is I don't get to do my usual Tuesday blog because I have been bad, but I have NOT been bad!  She called me "Blobby Tail" so she deserved for me to bite her neck!  I do NOT have a blobby tail!

Flat Cat and Sam Disagree; Two Limericks by FLAT CAT.

The lady made this picture which she says is how I look when I have catnip.  We don't get catnip often.  It is a treat and in our house, it is the man who always gives out treats.  He keeps the catnip in a glass cupboard.  When we hear the cupboard door open we always run from wherever we are because we, like, hardly EVER get treats. 

Sam is NOT going to Take Over My Blog!

You see what is happening, don't you? 

I FINALLY get a blog that I had to promise to share and before I even have time to think of anything to say, Bigfoot just, like, shoves his giant paws right in and takes over!