Today I am going to blog about Cat Heaven. I only remembered it last weekend. The man showed a film for all the cats of the house. It was called "The Three Lives of Thomasina." When I saw the film, it reminded me. It's one of those things you forget sometimes.
Thomasina was the name of the cat in the film. She didn't look like any of the cats I know. She was orange with stripes. She was MUCH PRETTIER than Lydia (<<enemy), even though I once heard the lady tell Lydia that she is the prettiest of all the cats in the world (LIE!) . But Lydia is, like, very vain and totally bogus. She believes the lady.
The film was very good. Thomasina lives in a place called "Scotland." She lives with a man and a "little girl." The little girl looks like a lady, only much smaller. There are also some "boys," who are like little men. I have never seen a "little girl" or a "boy" up close but Sam says that's what those things are that play outside the window. They are like kittens except they turn into a lady or a man instead of a cat. This is true because the lady said while we were watching the film that she hadn't seen it since she was a little girl. I wish she wouldn't talk when we are watching a movie.
The little girl and the man live with Thomasina. When Thomasina gets hurt, the little girl asks the man to fix her, but instead he gives Thomasina something that makes her go to sleep. The lady who lived with us started, like, crying then, but I don't know why. It was very embarrassing for the man and me! Even dumb Lydia was embarrassed!
Besides: I don't know what she was crying about! Thomasina got to go to Cat Heaven!
Cat Heaven is awesome! If you're a cat and something happens to you, you don't have to worry because you know you will end up in Cat Heaven. To get to Cat Heaven you just, like, go to sleep. At first you feel cold, but then you start to feel warm again. Everything is warm. Then you hear a loud purring that wakes you up. All you have to do then is chase the little bubbles up the stairs. It is fun! I remembered what it is like as soon as I saw.
In Cat Heaven, there is catnip, like, everywhere. The cats there all get to spend all their time rolling around in it and there are a lot of things there you can play with. There are bubbles you can chase that are the souls of other cats that want to play. You can turn into a bubble yourself and fly! You get to be like a kitten again!
In the movie, Thomasina runs straight through the tunnel to the place where the Mother Cat is. The lady made a picture of the tunnel from the one in the movie but changed it to show it looks to a cat. Sam, like, communicated it to her. He is very good at communicating to the lady and the man.
You can see the little sparkly lights. They are cats too! When you wake up outside cat heaven, they are all around.
In the movie, the Mother Cat had cats that looked like Sam crawling all around her, which is NOT TRUE! All kinds of cats are there in the real Cat Heaven, but the lady started crying really hard and said she always knew Sam was an angel!!!!!!!! Which proves what I said last time: everyone likes him best. It's annoying! Besides, in the real Cat Heaven there is every kind of cat. Cats like Sam are just one kind!
The lady tried to make pictures of the Mother Cat from the one in the film. They aren't very good because the lady has never seen the Mother Cat. The Mother Cat is bigger than the whole world! She is so big you can't really see her face except just when you go through the door. But you know she is there. She is, like, the "Original Cat." Sam says that means "the first." People used to call her Bast! She is "God's" cat, Sam says. I don't know who this "God" is, though. Probably the lady or man who gets to live in her house.
When you are in Cat Heaven you never want to leave. But in the movie, Thomasina had to come back because somebody woke her up again. If nobody wakes you up, you still have to come back. You have to come back for nine different lives before they let you stay for good, but they let you stay for a little bit in between. Everyone has to experience nine kinds of Catness before they can stay in Cat Heaven where it's nice. Sam says he is on his last life and that all cats that are on their last life come back as Siamese! That is why in the movie the cats were Siamese. But don't believe this it is propaganda!
Sam says I don't know anything because I am only in my third life. He thinks he knows EVERYTHING. He says I am "wet behind the ears." You are "wet behind the ears" if you are too young to clean your own ears and have to have some other cat do it! It is true that I like to have Sam clean my ears but only because he likes to! 
There is a cat who comes around here to visit sometimes who is from Cat Heaven. We can see her sometimes. Sam and Lydia knew her when she used to live with them. The lady and the man can't see her, even though she comes back a LOT.
I don't like her. Her name is "Babby." She likes to sit on the lady's bed sometimes. Sometimes she chases me and Lydia around. Cats from Cat Heaven can fly and it is unfair! You can see them here flying around the Mother Cat.
Cats from Cat Heaven can visit anytime they want to but most cats would rather stay there. Babby likes to come back here because she is so lame! She is the stupidest cat I ever knew. But not completely stupid because she hates Lydia too. I told her when she gets reborn she'd better NOT try to come back here because I don't like her! But Sam says that nobody gets to decide where they go. But she better not come back here! There are enough cats here already.
And when she IS here she acts like she owns the place!
I asked Babby how come she is always coming back here but she won't talk to me. She is very snobby and will only talk to Sam. Sam says she comes back because the lady is still sad that she's gone. I said what good does that do if the lady can't even see her and WE have to put up with her. Sam says that the lady can "sense" Babby. That is just stupid. When I go back to Cat Heaven I won't come back till they MAKE me. And then I hope I get to come back somewhere where they let cats have their own blogs. I don't think the lady will EVER let me have my own blog.
Here is a picture of me doing a cat prayer. It is a very spiritual picture. I am praying in front of some special grass that the man got for us! After you pray, you have to eat some of the grass. Then you throw it up! It is very sacred but it annoys the man. He said he wouldn't get us anymore grass because we just throw it up but that is,like, the WHOLE POINT, dude! Chill!
The lady once made a special picture of cat heaven called "The 7 Fat Daughters of the Goddess Bast." Sam told her how to make it. You can see it here. It is a symbolic picture.
Thomasina is a cool movie, even though Thomasina didn't get to stay in Cat Heaven! It shows that cats are loyal and will fix your problems for you if you will let them!
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