Flat Cat and Sam Disagree; Two Limericks by FLAT CAT.

The lady made this picture which she says is how I look when I have catnip.  We don't get catnip often.  It is a treat and in our house, it is the man who always gives out treats.  He keeps the catnip in a glass cupboard.  When we hear the cupboard door open we always run from wherever we are because we, like, hardly EVER get treats. 

I asked the lady would she tell Sam he could only write in my blog, like, ONCE A WEEK the way I could only write in her blog once a week until she said I could have my OWN blog (but with Sam and Lydia).  He writes very long things which are, like, BORING all about religion and places and cats nobody has heard of because he is a big old show-off. I don't hate Sam as much as I do Lydia but I might start to hate him if he keeps writing in my blog when I don't want him to.  The lady said Sam can write whenever he has something to say and I (meaning me Flat Cat) can write whenever I have something to say, and so I said what if we both have something to say at the same time, huh? 

She said if that happens Lydia can blog instead of us, which is completely unfair because what's stupid Lydia got to blog about?  All she cares about is her dumb portfolio. She has a big air pocket between her ears, but my ears are very close together!  My ears are closer together than any cat's I know!

I think he, like, MAKES STUFF UP about Egyptians and being in his 9th life and poetry so he will have something to put in his blog.  He doesn't know anything!    He says when I am older I will understand more but I understand everything NOW.  I understand Sam is boring and thinks he is better than me!

I told Sam I thought he probably made up that poem he posted and at first he chased me upstairs and clawed my tail and then when the man made him stop he said, "I thank you for the compliment" and put his ears back and wouldn't talk to me for the whole day.  Ha!  Who cares?  Not me.  I've GOT a blog. 

So I thought I'd make up something too.  It's what I WISH would happen, except for the part where she bites me.

There was a mean cat they called Lydia,
Who said to me, "I will get rid of ya."
She bit one me one day,
So they gave her away,
And that's how I got rid of Lydia.

It is very hard to find words that rhyme with "Lydia."  The lady said that it wasn't a very nice poem and said she wouldn't type it but then she couldn't think of anything to rhyme with Lydia EITHER.  So she had to put it up this way.

"Our cat named Sampan is a saint,"
Said the lady,  But EXCUSE ME; HE AIN'T.
He has extra claws
In his giant weird paws
And isn't a Saint no he AIN'T.

The lady says that "ain't" is not good "English" but is okay to use in a "limerick."  See it is very easy to write poetry and not just weird, lame poetry like Sam's but real poetry that RHYMES and is about real people.  Any cat can do it except for Lydia who is too dumb.

Comments

[Finnegan & Buddy]

Hi Flat Cat!! We're glad you got yore own blog, sownds like yore human bean finely got with the program and unnerstands that cats get more comments than beans for a reason! If owr stoopid human efur gets arownd to updating owr blogroll, we'll put you on there.

Finny & Buddy

[Daisy]

Hahahahahaha! I love both of those limericks. You are one silly cat. I would like to see Sam's big paws sometime.