Sam is NOT a SAINT! PROOF by Flat Cat!

I like Sam most of the time because he used to wash me when I was a kitten and he will still wash me now if I go and sit next to him and wait.  I don't like washing myself, it gives me hairballs! 

Besides, I am very fluffy and big-boned and it takes a long time and it is hard for me to wash my tummy because I am very muscular.  Sam LIKES to groom me, it makes him feel important and everybody pets him and praises him and makes a big fuss about him which is what he likes.  It is one reason they think he is a saint. 

The lady is always saying, "Oh Flat Cat, why don't you wash yourself and leave poor Sam alone?"  She thinks Sam is a SAINT which I have already explained is NOT TRUE.  I wrote  poem about how Sam is not a saint (and about Lydia, who I DO hate) right here.

I would like Sam better if he did not like Lydia too, but he does. Sometimes he washes her instead of me, which is not fair, because she is much smaller than I am and could do it herself!  Sometimes when I want a wash or am cold and need to lie next to him, she is there first, and won't go unless I bite her tail and chase her upstairs!   Then sometimes Sam is in a bad mood about being waked up and won't wash me anyway even after I chase Lydia away.

One way Sam is not a Saint is that he gets in A VERY BAD MOOD if you wake him up suddenly.  If you startle him when he is asleep, his tail will fizz up  and he will SLASH you. 

Last night I clawed him  by accident when I was trying to claw Lydia to make her get out of the way, and he woke up and chased me all around the house till the man came out of his study and said it was Appalling Behavior and punished us both!!  He shut Sam in the Cat's room to calm down and put me in the bathroom for  Time Out.  Ha ha, Sam got punished too!  I am always being punished so I don't care if they punish me but Sam is still mad about it and if the man tries to pet him he, like, scoops in his back so the man can't pet him . 

So anyway Sam is NOT A SAINT.  If you wake him and he doesn't want to you to he looks like this:

Lydia said maybe he is POSSESSED meaning some other, bad cat gets into him and turns him into a DEVIL KITTY.  But then the lady said there is no such thing as a devil kitty so Lydia said maybe he has like a split personality due to some childhood trauma.  I showed this picture to the lady to PROVE that Sam isn't a saint and she said, "Whoa, the Fiend of the Fell!" which is a joke about some cat in a boring poem that the lady and Sam like.   

She just laughed like he isn't going to go crazy and kill us all some night when I accidentally wake him up because I need my ears cleaned! 

But you can see yourself that he is very scary if you wake him up and that he has very LONG TEETH plus his front paws have a whole half-set of extra claws you can't see in this photo.  I am bigger than he is but I am a Lover and not a Fighter (except with dumb Lydia who always starts it) and when he shows his teeth I always run because he will bite and scratch me if he can catch me and it doesn't matter if he doesn't remember because it still hurts just as much!

So you can see from the picture that Sam is not really a saint and might even secretly be, like, a DEVIL CAT. 

Comments

[Daisy]

Poor poor Flat Cat! I can see that Sam maybe is not a saint. At least I don't think saints have red glowy eyes and big teeths when they wake up suddenly! I am just a teensy bit scairt of Sam, so I will be sure to tiptoe very quietly around him when he is sleeping. And I still think I would like to see his feets.

Um, Flat Cat? I think you would get along better with Lydia if you did not claw her up. Just try it, OK?