The lady is always letting stupid Lydia show her stupid paintings in an Exhibition so I asked the lady if I could have an Exhibition too and she said, but you don't paint or draw. But then I said I wanted to have a post where all my poetry is together and at first she said no because she says all my poetry is mean! But then the man said it seemed unfair and the lady got mad and said he was letting himself get played by Flat Cat again! Then she said I could have my poetry, as long as I made it clear that it was very mean poetry for which I ought to have been spanked! But I am too cute to spank, so I never get spanked!
I wrote this poem for the lady to make up for the revenge poem I had to take back when she let me start blogging again! She said it was a Beautiful and Touching Tribute!
The lady I live with is nice to me!
So I'm good even though I don't want to be
I don't claw up the rugs
Or scratch when she hugs
And I go in my box when I need to pee!
This was the revenge poem I wrote to get revenge on the lady who lives here for refusing to let me blog after she promised me I could blog, but then I took it back (see poem before this one)!
I know other cats who have blogs!
But the lady who lives here's a hog!
She blogs all the time!
She won't let me do mine!
I wish she'd be peed on by dogs!
This poem is secretly about Lydia (<enemy!)
This Cat I know thinks she's the queen!
And I bet you all know who I mean!
But she looks like Sam's poo!
And she smells like it too!
She's the stupidest Cat ever seen!
[HA HA I got to say "poo" because you can say "poo" in poetry!]
Here is a poem about what I WISH would happen!
There was a mean cat they called Lydia,
Who said to me, "I will get rid of ya."
She bit one me one day,
So they gave her away,
And that's how I got rid of Lydia.
[The only part I don't wish would come true is the part where she bites me!]
This is a revenge poem because Lydia calls me "Fat Cat" which the lady says is Very Unkind!
Lydia laughs at my tummy!
But I'd rather be fat than a dummy!
But I'm not fat I'm furry!
And I don't care or worry
What is said by a Cat who is scummy!!
[The lady says my tummy is cute!]
This is a new poem about Lydia which the lady said
was Appallingly Rude but the man said she shouldn't censor me because
it is Art! And Lydia said she didn't care and would Deal with me Later
but she won't because I am bigger!
Lydia smells like used litter!
If the lady weren't looking I'd hit her!
But I can't though I should!
I'm supposed to be good!
Otherwise I would have bit her!
[The man said this is very bad grammar but I could use it because it is a poem! The lady said I should be Ashamed but I am not ashamed!]
I wrote this poem about Sam when he wouldn't wash my ears!
Sampan is a Cat who is BORING!
Whenever he talks I start snoring!
He pretends to know stuff!
But it's really just bluff
You won't miss if you just start ignoring!
I wrote this when Sam turned into a demon-kitty (here is a picture!!) because I woke him up so he could wash my ears!
"Our cat named Sampan is a saint,"
Said the lady, EXCUSE ME; HE AIN'T.
He has extra claws
In his giant weird paws
And he isn't a Saint no he AIN'T.
[The lady calls him "The Fiend of the Fell" when he wakes up and looks like this and chases me upstairs trying to bite me but she thinks he is a saint anyway!]
This is a sad poem about how we hardly ever get catnip!
We only get catnip on Sunday!
We never get any on Monday!
Or from Tuesday to Fri.!
But when Friday's gone by
We know it will only be one day!
[Sam says we only get catnip when the man feels guilty about something!Today I was hiding under the bed in the man's and lady's room because there are plastic bags in there I wanted to lick and I wouldn't come out when the man called me because I wanted to lick the bag! But then he went downstairs and I heard the door of the treat cupboard open where he keeps the catnip so I had to come down!]
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