The Flatland Almanack

The Flatland Chronicles for 24 January 2007. Random Joys and Oddities.

Magnificent photographs from Deep Space, precious seahorses, a most unusual cat, and one weird-ass story from Malaysia (no photos though) about a girl who allegedly---I say allegedly---has toes that produce gemstones.  (The last is probably an urban legend, but the notion that someone would make up a story like that is even harder to swallow than the story itself).

I had a long groggy day thanks to the over-the-counter antihistamine I took to control an allergy.  I managed to put together a note for Versus/Reversus, so the fact that I wrote anything in my journal at all is pretty commendable.   Besides:  they are really cool links. 

JUMP HERE TO THE FLATLAND CHRONICLES/QUIDDITIES AND ODDITIES.

Anglo-Saxon Attitudes for 22 December 2006. A Tribute to Simon Schama.

In my personal roster of influential and greatly honored British men and women, Professor Simon Schama's name is surrounded by a sort of halo:  he's a scholar with the native eloquence, presence, and command of the subject to make it entrancing to ordinary people.  I see him as leading the way in teaching teachers of history how to teach it, how to tell it, how to make it real.

For young people who can recite by heart all the kings of Gondor and the names, special skills, and attributes of a hagiography of comic book characters, the problem isn't a reluctance to learn, but a reluctance to listen to material that is badly written, badly presented, without life or art. 

Why do some scholars and teachers feel that their responsibility as teachers ends with the mere presentation of lifeless facts?  Why is it up to their pupils to make themselves interested in subject, when the person presenting it isn't sufficiently interested to do it well and with passion?

The best teachers I had in my life weren't necessarily the ones who taught courses I particularly wanted to take; they were the ones with the gift for making me feel that what they had to say was important and not just in the abstract, but to me personally.  They had a story to tell and they made you feel it.  The story might be the story of the structure of the universe or the atom; or it might involve the chemical process by which glucose is converted to energy; it might be the story of French or Latin grammar; or of modern American poetry; it didn't matter.   A great teacher makes you see the whole picture, the recurring themes, the context. 

Simon Schama is an astounding and an entrancing and a spellbinding narrator of the history of Britain.  Even more important, he proves that the art of making your subject entertaining rather than merely instructive is the art of teaching.  If you want to get young people to look up out of their comic books, their fantasy novels, or their football scores, you've got to make them see that reality is fully as absorbing as fiction, games, and other past-times.  In A History of Britain, Simon Schama shows the way. 

To see our tribute, JUMP TO ANGLO-SAXON ATTITUDES.

Anglo-Saxon Attitudes. Re: Norman the Conqueror.

"Who?" you are probably thinking.  "I thought his name was----" 

Which is the point of this article. 

In one of those definitively humiliating scenes from my past, I am writing a lengthy response to a college history examination relating to European history and the Norman Conquest with a vague feeling that something wasn't quite right.  I couldn't put my finger on it, so I kept writing.  I didn't find out till the professor read my answer aloud to the rest of the class:  a well-written essay on the travels and travails of one "Norman the Conqueror." The experience left behind a permanently seared spot in my self-esteem.  I've referred to him---with absolute historical correctness---as "William the Bastard" ever since. 

Today someone similarly challenged googled "Norman the Conqueror"  and visited the blog where I discuss this humiliating experience.  After all this time, it turns out I am not alone!

By googling the search term "Norman the Conqueror" myself, I found that there are many, many people who clearly prefer to think of "William the Bastard" as Norman---not a Norman, mind you, but Norman.  Good ol' Norman.  To prove that this is, if an error, a popular one, I have collected a number of quotes from the internet (some from cached pages) about Norm and his doings.

Since this error is evidently widespread, and more so in Britain than here, I have a radical proposal for Simon Schama and other British historians. 

TO READ MORE ABOUT NORMAN THE CONQUEROR, JUMP TO ANGLO-SAXON ATTITUDES.   

Just Eat the Damn Peach for 15 December 2006. Three British Emmy Winners We Love.---2. Ray Winstone in "Vincent."

Ray Winstone took the International Emmy for best actor for his role in Vincent.  Winstone's brilliant in everything he does, but I've particularly enjoyed seeing him in this show.  He's playing the character he does best:  the hard guy who is painfully sensitive inside. 

The show itself isn't much of a departure in terms of basic themes from the typical British detective series (e.g., Wire in the Blood, Rebus, Second Sight,  Cracker, Silent Witness, Touching Evil,  A Touch of Frost , Prime Suspect). 

The Brits, even more than Americans, evidently like their detective/police dramas to be about flawed, unhappy, self-destructive men and women who use their jobs as a way to avoid facing up to their own pain. All of the shows referred to above have first-rate actors in the leading roles and all of them are excellent in their various ways of letting you sense or see the chest heaving in pain under the rigid armor.

Vincent ought to feel like more of the same, and if it did, that would be fine with me; all of those shows are entertaining in their different fashions; and all the leading roles are inhabited by actors who are always well worth watching and consistently rewarding. 

Vincent feels different to me.  It's really less about the detection than about private detective Vincent himself.  And the charismatic and---yes---very sexy Ray Winstone  is one of my all-time favorite actors.  I am so happy that his talent has (again) been recognized as it deserves to be.

JUMP TO "JUST EAT THE DAMN PEACH" FOR FURTHER DISCUSSION OF EMMY WINNER RAY WINSTONE.

The Flatland Almanack Clipart Gallery. Even MORE Christmas clipart for 14 December 2006.

It's not conventional clipart like the other clipart I've posted.  I was tired of the conventional reds and greens. I am sick also of hunter's green and rose, or of forest green and burgundy.  I wanted clipart that would express the season in a variety of colors.

If you check out the HOLIDAY (click the link below), you can see everything, including basic Christmas color schemes, but the ones listed below are a little different, and are intended to be a little different.

While I do realize they're the equivalent of doodling, some of them are pretty nice (if I do say so myself). 

HOLIDAY (ORNAMENTS, WALLPAPERS, AND CARDS)[CLICK TO SEE ALL]

• Topaz & Lapis Ornament.
• Florida Christmas Ornament.
• Rainbow Ornament.
• Silver rose, sapphire blue.
• Glass globe in soft blue & gold.
• New World Ornament---Remembering the Crocodile Hunter.
• New Year Flowering.
• Florida Ornament 2:  Christmas in the Sunshine State.

Christmas. It could happen to me...

My stepdaughter arrived today from England---welcome, Emma!---and specifically from the town of Ryde on the Isle of Wight.  Nick is about to graduate.  The house is finally clean. 

Nothing else is done---for the first time in years, I haven't written Christmas cards---and I am up to my neck in work that still needs doing, but I don't care; it's almost Christmas!  Also it's back in the seventies---perfect December weather.

We bought a hideous blue fiberoptic tree to put on our front porch in order to do our part in making our neighborhood a more festive place.  We didn't realize it would be hideous, like some alien growth, till we put it up.  But I'm not taking it down.   "That's just sad, Dad," said Emma, kindly assuming that only her father would have the bad taste to display something like that. 

I wanted a 7 foot tall palm tree with green plastic fronds surrounded by white lights, but when we went to Lowe's they were sold out.  I had my heart set on it.  Now that would have been klassy.

Just Eat the Damn Peach for 13 December 2006. Three British Emmy Winners We Love---1. Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares.

Nick and I are of course delighted that one of Ramsay's shows won "Best Unscripted."  Joyous news indeed, particularly since it's likely to mean that more people will watch his shows and that more of them will in consequence be forthcoming.  Nice that for once, my taste in pop culture heroes is being validated by those who get to decide these things.

It's good to see competence and passion rewarded by the Industry, which occasionally moves in its mysterious way to reward the deserving.

JUMP HERE TO "JUST EAT THE DAMN PEACH" FOR MY RAMSAY EMMY TRIBUTE NOTE.

Floridiana Gloriana for 13 December 2006. Two Beautiful Florida Winter Scenes for the Holidays.

I'm sure we'll gather more photographs on our travels with Emma, but to celebrate the season, here are some Florida winter scenes.  The winter is our most beautiful season, so these are just arbitrary selections, but they do give a sense of just how beautiful the season is.

JUMP HERE TO SEE BREATHTAKING FLORIDA CHRISTMAS COLOR (ST. AUGUSTINE BEACH AT DAWN); JUMP HERE TO SEE JACKSONVILLE LANDING.

The Digital Art Gallery for 12 December 2006. More Christmas Clipart!

More holiday clipart available in my gallery of abstract digital images.  Some are traditional Christmas colors and themes; some are more subtle or versatile.  All are appropriate to the season!  Because I'm stuck at the moment with dial-up, I haven't been able to post all that I have (the connection being, as the saying goes, "as slow as Christmas" har har har), but I've posted quite a number of them (including designs adaptable to cards. 

Must rush about in a crazed fashion to get the house ready for my stepdaughter Emma's visit from England (beginning TOMORROW!  Yay!), so no more for now....

HOMEPAGE (CLICK TO SEE ALL)

• Clay tile with carved gold star.
• Medallions carved in jade and carnelian.
• Seasonal Mystique.
• Ancient Star.
• Deep blue and gold ornament.
• Stitched silk with solstice colors.
• Dancing metallic gold star.
• Strictly Christmas--Holiday Wreath.
• Festival Box.
• Strictly Christmas 2---Berry Wreath.
• Mother of Pearl Ornament.
• Red and Green Ceramic Wreath (tree ornament).
• Four pointed stitched satin star.
• A Rose E'er Blooming.
• Holiday Treat.

The Marginal Christian's Handbook for 11 December 2006. A Marginal Christian's Prayers.

I've not had  much time recently to ponder religion, but the weekend sort of brought it to the forefront because I was frightened.  First, my mother became ill with flu, and I seriously overreacted because in the last three months I've lost an uncle and an aunt; and on Thursday, Rumcove officially became an orphan when his mother (an Alzheimer's sufferer) died. 

My mother, who is unafraid of death, said to me only a couple of weeks ago in her disapassionate way, "Yes, they're really dropping like flies."  I am still a mama's girl and I still need her, so contemplating the fate of my poor cousin Julie (also a mama's girl) has made me more sensitive than usual on the subject.

At any rate, it was a time for prayer, so I tried praying.  I'm not very good at it.  When you think about it, it's a bit weird how we got indoctrinated with the Bible, but even in the most Christian christian churches (as mine was NOT, being Episcopalian), we never got any proper training in prayer.  When I was being confirmed in my church I had to take classes, and there were some very good Sunday school classes over the years, but I don't recall learning to pray.

I don't think I thought much about it till I read Franny and Zooey, a book by J.D. Salinger which ought to have permanently altered the practice of religion in the U.S. but somehow...didn't.  I don't know why.  Many, many of the people I know had to read it at some time or another but I can't remember ever hearing anyone discuss.  I have never discussed it.  And yet the "Zooey" portion of the book sank deep into the stony soil of my flinty existentialist soul (I was a philosophy major) and secretly put down roots.  And then one day it just broke through. 

In other words, the most important influence on my religious consciousness was a work of fiction.  Well, not only that one:  there were all the works of Ursula LeGuin, also a major influence, but those came a bit later.  Also a dash of Flannery O'Connor got in there too against my wish (in fact, now that I think of it, the seed-falling-deep-into-the-rocky-soil metaphor is straight out of The Violent Bear it Away, and what in the world am I supposed to do about that?).  None of the philosophers I studied made much of an impression.  Alfred North Whitehead had something of a (vague) impact, but not nearly as much as the Tao Teh Ching.  And quite recently (i.e., within the last 10 years) I studied the mysterious Cathars.  I want to be a Cathar---only, to paraphrase St. Augustine and that "Miss Ohio" song---not right now.  Anyway, the dualism presents a bit of a problem.  We now know for a fact that Lao Tzu was right:  it's all one thing, matter and energy.  But as there is now an internet assembly, perhaps the movement will spread and there'll be an assembly I can join.  Or maybe I'll go back to the Quakers. 

The Quakers did an hour of silent prayer on Sundays and it was very fulfilling in many respects, but I couldn't concentrate for an hour; I had that problem I think Buddhists (?) call the monkey-mind; it just kept chattering away.   I'm still no good at all at praying.  I had to channel Zooey and Franny and practice the Jesus prayer before I could even get a look in.  It's not easy being a marginal Christian, you know.

Though my mom is still alive, I'm very happy to report.  Annoyed with me a bit for getting what she calls "hysterical" of course. 

TO READ MORE ABOUT THE INCONVENIENCES AND CONFUSIONS OF THE RELIGIOUS LIFE, JUMP HERE.